Bringing Dinner Roles To Family Meal

Breaking bread with FX's The Bear

This essay is spoiler-free. If you’ve seen The Bear, you may get a little extra to snack on, but the main dish can be enjoyed by anyone who has ever eaten dinner with a family (or a group of friends) or watched a family (or a group of friends) eat dinner on screen. Bon appetit!

I’ve never worked in a restaurant, but I have always been fascinated by the concept of Family Meal. Probably has to do with my interest in personality types, the psychology of family dynamics, chosen and inherited family, character tropes in storytelling, and, you know, human nature- in general.

A dinner table, especially a holiday-themed one, has been a rich source of entertainment across fiction for…ever. And so, as many of us prepare to share a meal with family (or friends who are family) tomorrow, I’ve taken the liberty of translating the main characters from FX’s restaurant-based, hit show, The Bear, into the six characters you’re most likely to find around any holiday table- on screen or in real life.

P.S. I’m sure there are more than six…but I’ll leave it to you to tell me which ones I’ve missed…

The Host

Description: A lifelong overachiever. Very detail-oriented. They have always excelled at creating environments and experiences that people love. And they love doing it. Well, at least in theory. Maybe even in practice, but they rarely enjoy it in the moment. 

Despite their detailed prep schedule (which began on Sunday) and their best attempts at scaling things down and simplifying as The Day approached, they continue to overestimate what they can do in a set amount of time. Which means they are not just stressed, but also frustrated with and disappointed in themselves. Too bad the meat mallet is in use- that would be a handy tool for beating themselves up.

Guests will mostly experience The Host in passing, as a blurred figure rushing between the kitchen and the dining room. That is, desperately attempting to close the gap between pure chaos and the perfect image of their initial vision. Which they just.can’t.let.go.of.

How to recognize them: They look like a Cathy cartoon.

Wardrobe: Probably a heavily stained and flour coated version of whatever they woke up in. Because, according to their carefully timed plan, there would be plenty of time to shower and get dressed before guests began to arrive. Instead, they will have to perform a costume change like a magic trick, slipping away when no one is looking, and into the still-wrinkled outfit hanging in their closet. Ironing, like showering, will have to be cut for time.

What they brought: Everything. Yes, it was a potluck. But they figured they’d just go ahead and make back up versions of each dish in case someone forgot theirs or it didn’t turn out or there wasn’t enough.

Favorite part: Creating the pinterest board for the visual tone of the event and pouring through all their gourmet cookbooks to develop their menu. (The hypothetical part where everything was still perfect and possible.)

Holiday movie of choice: They don’t care and will take great pleasure in being so laid back about it (See, Loudmouth, I’m cool about some things…), but mainly it’s because they will be sneaking off to do the dishes and frost the cooling cake and plate the other desserts while everyone is entertained. Another masterful magic trick. 

Reference character: Carmy

The Loud Mouth

Description: Either a relative or close friend, their shared history (or blood) is why they continue to get invited. Yes, they offend someone every year. Yes, usually more than one person. But it’s The Loudmouth. They’re family. You can’t not invite them.

They’re probably the first to arrive, much earlier than etiquette suggests. (And yes, they walked right in. Why would they knock? They practically live here.) They make their entrance with a booming announcement that they’re ready to party, grabbing a handful of vegetables (Those are for the salad!) before plopping down on a barstool in the kitchen where they will bombard the frazzled Host with whatever’s on their mind, completely ignoring their obvious preoccupation, except to offer helpful suggestions like “Dude, relax!” and “It’s just food. It’s going to end up in the toilet either way.” 

A general philosophy of “It’s not a big deal” informs all commentary.

They start the day off with a boisterous joviality, but even well-intentioned, their lack of self-awareness (and volume) can quickly become grating and their rough edges often rub people the wrong way.

You always know where they stand. Just try not to be on their bad side. 

How to recognize them: Can often be found with their foot in their mouth, punching arms, and slapping backs a little harder than necessary. But all in good fun...  

Wardrobe: Casual (What’s the big deal? I don’t need to get dressed up just to eat…) and a jacket they immediately toss over the carefully set tablescape, squashing the hand cut flowers and crushing the calligraphed place cards. 

What they brought: A six pack. 

Favorite part: Telling their new joke to everyone who will listen. (It’s not offensive or anything. I mean, unless you’re really sensitive about that stuff.)

Holiday movie choice: Sports.

Reference character: Richie

The Peacemaker

Description The ever-present third wheel in the circular history of The Host and The Loudmouth. Maybe a neighborhood friend from growing up. Maybe another relative. Their easy-going nature and amiability means they get along with everyone. People are drawn to them, especially in groups, and they don’t mind. They love being a part of things. All they want for Christmas (and always) is for everyone to just get along. 

How to recognize them: You’re most likely to find them in the middle-  in mediation between The Loudmouth and The Host or connecting The Newcomers with the rest of the group. At some point, in the middle of dinner, they’ll propose a toast and prompt the inevitable “Let’s all go around the table and say something we’re grateful for” conversation. 

Wardrobe: Something soft and neutral. Nice enough, but also casual enough, to not make anyone feel uncomfortable. Including themselves. 

What they brought: Mashed potatoes (I mean, who doesn’t love mashed potatoes?) 

Favorite part: After dinner, when the stressful parts are over, and everyone has had enough to eat (and enough to drink) and they can all just relax.

Holiday movie choice: Elf. A movie everyone can agree on. 

Reference character: Neil

The Perfectionist

Description: In a different story, in their own house, they would be The Host. As a guest, they’re The Host’s right hand. Whether The Host asked for it or not. (Probably they didn’t ask for it.) But The Perfectionist sees what needs to be done and they just can’t help themselves.

Depending on their level of familiarity with The Host, they will roll up their sleeves and choreograph themselves into the kitchen (Did they bring their own apron? Yes, yes they did.), stirring pots, passing plates, washing dishes, putting The Loudmouth to work (If you’re gonna be in the kitchen, might as well make yourself useful…). Or they will offer to help, sigh warily when The Host assures them they have everything under control, and then find ways to sub in for The Host in the other room- like answering the door and welcoming guests as if it were their house. 

How to recognize them: They look like The Host, they act like The Host, but they’re not The Host. (Right? They’re not the host?)

Wardrobe: Something interesting and thoughtful, but also machine washable. 

What they brought: A highly photogenic, upscale twist on whatever traditional dish they signed up for. And a few additional dishes in case someone forgot theirs or it didn’t turn out or there wasn’t enough. They will brush off compliments bashfully, as if they didn’t spend all day in the kitchen yesterday (not to mention the weeks of experimentation and practice leading up to it) but they will secretly delight when their dishes are the first to go.

Favorite part: Plating their dish on their new, color-coordinated platter with the carefully assembled garnish arrangement (that cost almost as much as the main dish ingredients and took almost as long to prepare) and admiring how it looks straight out of a magazine.

Holiday movie choice: Any of the old classics- White Christmas, Holiday Inn, It’s a Wonderful Life. They love the style, the grace, the neat and tidy conflicts, the neat and tidy endings.

Reference character: Sydney

The Traditionalist

Description: Nostalgia and predictable familiarity are kind of their thing. So, as you might imagine, the holiday season, packed with all of its sugar-coated tradition, is where they really thrive. They love both knowing what’s going to happen and the anticipation of what it will be like. Because they already know what it will be like, which is why they’re looking forward to it. 

They get very attached to the way things are done. They find unfamiliar things intimidating. And annoying. And unnecessary. So, don’t you go changing anything on them. Or, heaven forbid, try to replace their honest, homemade charm with some trendy, instagram, fancypants thing. They like what they like the way they like it. If they show up and you’ve pulled a bait and switch on them, they will take it as a personal betrayal. 

How to recognize them: Their insecurity and discomfort usually come out as sarcasm or criticism. Their disappointment translates into a forced casualness and usually starts with “Well, I just think…” Depending on your loyalty to their favorite festivities, they will merrily lead the annual Secret Santa draw or fold their arms and roll their eyes at the assorted squash flavored macaron tower you decided to sub in for the classic pie that is everyone’s favorite and was just fine the way it was thankyouverymuch.

Wardrobe: Their favorite holiday sweater. The one they wear every year on Thanksgiving. 

What they brought: Green bean casserole. Made with Campbell’s soup and French’s French fried onions. Made exactly per the specifications called for in the recipe on the jar. The way it’s been done since the beginning of time. The right way.

Favorite part: (see holiday movie line-up below)

Holiday movie choice: First, the Thanksgiving Day Parade, which is mostly for ambience in the background while everyone settles in. Then, Miracle on 34th Street (the new one, which isn’t actually new, but it was when they first saw it, so….). Then, over pie, Planes Trains & Automobiles.

Reference character: Tina

The Newcomer

Description This is their first time attending and boy are they excited to be included. Like, really excited. Like ‘called their mom on their way over because they finally had fun plans to share and couldn’t be more energized despite not sleeping the night before’ excited. It’s pretty cute, actually. 

The thing is, they’ve been searching for a group of friends just like this. And it feels like it’s finally happening. They’ve found their place, their people. Privately, they’ve already played out the next ten years of Thanksgivings, where they’ve become integrated and integral in this group and this tradition. On the drive over, they chuckle out loud to inside jokes they’re imagining in their mind. 

When they knock on the door, their excitement dims and their nerves take over. Because they don’t actually know anyone there. Except The Host. And The Host is busy. (Where is The Host?) They’ll mainly stay quiet and tentative in conversations. Not wanting to seem too eager or to step on any toes. 

Afterwards, they’ll play the evening over and over in their mind for days trying to pinpoint if they came on too strong or said anything embarrassing. They’ll ride the highs of elation and the deep dips of dread like a rollercoaster for days.

How to recognize them: Enthusiastic compliments about everything. A big smile pasted on their face all day- whether they know what’s going on or not. Conscious body language adjustments to ensure they are sending signals of openness and interesting-ness should anyone want to engage.

Wardrobe: The outfit they’ve been saving for a special occasion. Which means they look nice but not quite like themselves. Which is kind of the point.

What they brought: A bouquet of flowers and a nice bottle of wine purchased from the cool, boutique market around the corner from their house. The store they always imagine they’ll shop at when they are someone who has friends and gets invited to dinner parties. Which is who they are today. Walking out with that special canvas bag was a real thrill. 

Favorite part: Being there. All of it. The loudness. The bickering. The laughter. The warmth. The references they don’t understand. The food. The being included. 

Holiday movie choice: Oh, they’re happy to watch whatever everyone else wants.

Reference character: Marcus

OUTSOURCED INPUT

Something happens when we gather around a table. When we share a meal, whether it’s a potluck or not, we all bring something. What (or who) are you bringing to the table this year?