The Wizard of Ahas
You've always had the power, my dears, you just had to learn it for yourself
Welcome the second dispatch of Connect Four, a mapping of synchronicities and connecting of seemingly random trains of thought while also creating a casual space where I can share a collection of experiences, discoveries, resources, inspiration, and recommendations…four things at a time.
To read the first one (and the introduction to this experiment) visit this post.
— one —
I have been reading a lot of advice columns in preparation for launching my own (next week!) And, as we explored last week, I am very mindful about how to thread the needle of offering advice without thrusting my personal beliefs and opinions onto someone else’s truth, of which I have very limited insight into. The last thing I want is to perpetuate our tendency to trust someone else more than ourselves. I have a lot to say about all of the various systems that promote our fundamentally flawed nature and insist on applying black and white thinking to all of life’s non-dualistic realities, so that when we are confronted with gray area questions or inevitable discrepancies, we immediately distrust our instincts and turn to experts outside of ourselves to tell us what’s right, because we are inherently wrong.
But, honestly, I think Richard Rohr says it far more articulately in his conversations with Krista Tippet and Brene Brown than I ever could.
— two —
But I also acknowledge, we can’t do this all alone. We do benefit from the support and perspectives and wisdom of others. This tension is probably why I am equal parts fascinated and refreshed by the Quaker committee practice that Greg McKeown describes in Effortless.
“When someone in the community is facing an important dilemma, they ask a few people they trust to form a committee. The purpose is not for the committee to tell them what to do. The purpose is to help them figure it out for themselves. And, in order to do this, the committee must remove judgment from the equation. When they gather, the person begins by sharing their dilemma and why it matters. The committee listens silently. After the context is given, they have a few choices: they can ask “honest questions” which are clarifying questions they could not know the answer to. Or they can reflect or repeat back what they have heard. Opinions, advice, and judgement are out-of-bounds. As Parker Palmer, an expert in the Clearness Committee process, has written ‘Each of us has an inner teacher, a voice of truth, that offers the guidance and power we need to deal with our problems.’ The intent of the committee, then, is to help people amplify their own inner voice in order to gain clarity on how to move forward.”
— three —
I never intended to be an entrepreneur, but when we opened the shop I found myself wrapped into a growing and empowered community of fellow female founders. Despite the accidental nature of my arrival, it felt like a homecoming. I loved being in rooms and conversations with other doers and builders and change makers- the very people whose ideas inspired my own, whose stories I admired, whose work and creations I loved and sought out. These felt like my people. It was thrilling. And it was very, very hard. In ways that were impossible to describe to anyone who wasn’t also doing it.
But we were in the Girl Boss era, at the height of instagram. We were promoting our brands and our #bossbabe lifestyles and those 2x2 squares didn’t leave enough room for the whole reality. It wasn’t a lie, but it was a beautifully filtered half truth.
The more conversations I had, the more I shared my honest experience and they, in turn, shared theirs, the more we collectively realized that we weren’t doing it wrong. This is how it is. This is what it really looks like. Building a business is a uniquely hard, incredibly specific, unglamorous, un-photogenic thing. It is confusing and overwhelming and isolating. And the problem was, we weren’t talking about this part- with each other, or anyone. There wasn’t a space or a place to talk about this part.
So, we made it.
Nada, one of the amazing women I met in those first early days of our opening, who was already using her podcast to host deep dive conversations with female founders about the process of starting and running their businesses1, became my partner and together we created Mentor Monday. A monthly water cooler to gather around, to share and support our entrepreneurial experiences over coffee.
Groups like that can go a lot of different ways- usually in the general direction of schmoozey and self-promoting- but not this one. We set the tone- safe, non-judgmental, curious- and those who showed up came with an open heart. Friendships formed, collaborations sparked, lives and trajectories changed. It was real magic.
Last year, when I was at a stuck point in my work, I wished Mentor Monday still existed. Even though I no longer fit neatly into the business owner box, I knew that it mattered to surround yourself with people who understand the path you’re on, the process, the challenges.
My search led me to Yellow Co’s Guidance Groups- small peer-to-peer support groups, organized around an identifying experience or pursuit2 , and facilitated using a very intentional, consistent framework (which I love and tell everyone about and just learned has a formal name- The Formation Method) which, in many beautiful ways, felt akin to a clearness committee.
To say that this support system has been meaningful feels woefully insufficient. These women walked me forward to where I am right now, not just through the winding, blurry path of rebuilding and reimagining my career, but my growth as a human. I am, like the rest of the Yellow community, someone who cares, not just about what I'm building, but who I am becoming. And, to be witnessed in our work, to be surrounded by those who can hold the wholeness of our experience and ourselves, is truly profound. I can point to my progress, but I think the impact has more to do with how it pointed me back toward purpose.
— four —
In
Studio Visits with Elizabeth Gilbert she shares this story and I haven’t stopped thinking about it.She was visiting California, spending a free day walking around Venice Beach, when she came across a painter perched precariously on a tall, rickety ladder. He was on his own- no partner, no spotter- and highly likely, at some point, to tip over and fall. She had nowhere else to be and this was as good a way as any to pass the time, so she grabbed ahold of the base of the ladder and stood there to keep it secure while he worked away.
The whole time, he had no idea that she was there. When he started to come down and she knew he was safe, she left before he could see her. And, as she walked away, this thought occurred to her: What if that was my life’s purpose? That moment right there. What if, in the master plan of the universe, I was born, lived, and died just so I could be there for those twenty minutes, to hold that stranger’s ladder and keep him safe, so he could go on to fulfill his own important purpose. What if everything else, every day before and every day that follows, is just frosting on the cake?
What if this whole time, we thought our purpose was a high stakes race to discover our one special talent to then be mastered and optimized for the consumption and service of others so that we can leave our mark on the world, but really it’s just this- something we do, unknowingly and unavoidably, in a completely nonstrategic act on a random afternoon that will pass without fanfare and quickly be forgotten, if it’s noticed at all; the impact of which will be immeasurable.
How, then, will we spend the rest of our time?
The Liberty podcast has grown and evolved into Liberty Road, now dedicating its expanding media platform into re-imagining every facet of midlife. If you read
or subscribe to Gloria, you will love where this (Liberty) road leads.I highly recommend you read through every avatar. They’re so spot on. I mean… the description for The Creative could have been stolen from my journal.
“You’re a multi-passionate woman with many creative passions. Your heart falls for a project where you can express the fullness of who you are. Although you’re fueled by it, having multiple loves can sometimes leave you feeling directionless, scattered, and searching for the best next step. Although you know who you are, you don’t fit into a box and that often leaves you feeling isolated. You crave a space where you can move out of your head and into community with women who can support you in turning your creative ideas and dreams into reality.”
Chances are, one will ring like a bell and, if that’s the case, I cannot recommend joining highly enough.
Thanks for the info about Yellow Co and its guidance groups! I just visited the site and got on the “interested” email list to learn more. It sounds awesome.